i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
