Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
