He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
