Texts From Last Night

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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator

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  (423): I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator http://tfl.nu/6zcj
  Replies (27) Good night (1204) Bad night (4580) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco

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  (734): it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco http://tfl.nu/syi8
  Replies (19) Good night (3113) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong

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  (912): I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong http://tfl.nu/xu91
  Replies (15) Good night (5270) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?

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  (702): well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right? http://tfl.nu/0mj4
  Replies (56) Good night (1201) Bad night (13438) Order T-Shirt
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.

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  (504): I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna. http://tfl.nu/vetf
  Replies (42) Good night (2191) Bad night (7046)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  that's your solution for everything

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  (773): I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best (1-773): that's your solution for everything http://tfl.nu/v8le
  Replies (36) Good night (7001) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  you should give me head with plastic fangs in

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  (618): you should give me head with plastic fangs in http://tfl.nu/ku60
  Replies (59) Good night (2156) Bad night (8582) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer

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  (850): You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer http://tfl.nu/uk5v
  Replies (2) Good night (2955) Bad night (596)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.

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  (309): I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar. http://tfl.nu/nec2
  Replies (8) Good night (3496) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.

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  (423): I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant. http://tfl.nu/k43z
  Replies (9) Good night (687) Bad night (1909) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.

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  (812): Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI. http://tfl.nu/yhyp
  Replies (5) Good night (1843) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.

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  (514): She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead. http://tfl.nu/g7qd
  Replies (10) Good night (975) Bad night (2368) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe

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  (307): I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe http://tfl.nu/mnt3
  Replies (5) Good night (1778) Bad night (563)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!

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  (937): NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!! http://tfl.nu/92wz
  Replies (2) Good night (1384) Bad night (283) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.

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  (208): Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/nw7i
  Replies (9) Good night (788) Bad night (233)

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