No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
