Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
false alarm. still invincible.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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