There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
