I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
