What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
