Sponge bath it is.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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