and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
