shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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