I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
vagina is talking i cant
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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