I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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