guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
