Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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