Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
