I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
