She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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