captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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