the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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