walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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