ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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