Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
