I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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