hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
