I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
