rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
