I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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