And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
