Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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