just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
