Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
