dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
