Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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