i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
