wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
