he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
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Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
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The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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