Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
