yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
