just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
