take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
