He is an equal opportunity slut.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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