apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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