the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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