Midget sex pt 2 tonight
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
