The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
