They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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