She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
