theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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