I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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