Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
