I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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