I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
