just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
