Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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