Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
