I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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