so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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