$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
