I am puke
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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