Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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