So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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