Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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