there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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