Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
