Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
