Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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