i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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