i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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