strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
