Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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