Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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